sick...again
arghghweipthif../..*GASPS*....oejoje *SNOT* ...eww.....*struggles to keep eyes open* *coughs up phlem*
godammit, first week of school it was my period and now im SICK WTF NEXT Man!. SERIOUSLY. =_=;...
had such a f*d dream last night........argh....=_=...one i do not wish to discuss but will let u kno tat it has completly steered me away from the concept of dating other ppl.
im at odds! i dunno whether or not i wanna do it or not. but whenever i mention something to keane he always glares at me or something and goes "come on itz just for fun. u started this u gotta end it."
........fuck. he's right. why do i always start these crazy things?!?! i force every1 to go out wid me and now im refusing to do it. and now im sick. and even less do i wanna go out. ....i haf such a conflicting personality.
firstly i wanna be secure. the idea of other ppl touching me or enjoying my pressence in a romantic type of way makes me feel uncomfortable....(fkin prank callers...) makes me think "keannnee! protect me!!! *whine whine whine*" and everytime i come close to going out wid someone else i tend to run and hide.
secondly! i feel like im just overracting and taking things too seriously. after all this is for fun, and itz not like ne thing is gonna happen.
firstly - then why would u go out at all1?! watz the point!!
secondly - for fun!!!!
firstly - omfg so ur just USING these ppl to haf fun!?? wat fun is there?! wouldnt u haf mORE fun going out wid a whole bunch of ppl?!?
secondly - maybe!!
firstly - there u go.
secondly - fuck. u suck.
firstly - if this is just for ur ego then U suck.
secondly - omfg im too sick to deal wid this right now
firstly - just like U to avoid the problem
secondly - fine gimme a moment to think on this.
ok yeah...i rlly dont wanna do this ne more. the more and more i think on it the sluttier i feel. but i kno that if i back down on this itll only prove that. =_=;.......well...hopefully if i just stop talking about it every1 will just forget
>:D yea. ill do that. BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEH~~!! *strangled sick laughing*
doesnt that mean ihsouldnt post this?
yes. but too late.
BLEH BLEH BLEH!
7 Comments:
hope you get better soon =\ nothing like a lot of rest and relaxation =D
lolll... go with whatever your gut feeling is
1:37 pm
well, you keep saying that it's for fun...but then are you really having fun going out with all these ppl? if it's not a pleasant feeling then it's not really fun. ^^ For some ppl it's fun to have flings, but maybe it's just not your kind of fun. Well, it's not like you're really "going out" with all the people you asked, you're just going out with them on one date. So I guess just relax and see if you really like it...and also, if you're not really expecting anything to happen, or you don't even -like- the people you asked out, then it's kinda the same as going out with a friend, right? ^^; or maybe you're just going too fast with the long list of people.
Iunno lol, but I'm sure you've already thought about all the stuff I just said >_< I guess I was also wondering about that myself ever since you started the "break."
I remember you saying that it's to satisfy curiosity...but maybe you should wait till you meet something that really interests you in a romantic way, and -then- discuss about taking a break.
6:29 pm
:( lol everything u say makes sense. i guess that's worst of all - i feel stupid now, for doing this weird spontanious thing. i guess i was just being ...how to say? unserious about the whole thing. we didnt rlly take a break or ne thing...and i now i see how, this whole thing hasjust proved to be pointless, even tho other ppl told me this b4 *looks at keane* i guess i was looking to haf fun but not in the kinda of sense i was supposed to be hafin fun in.
no i dun haf romantic interest in these ppl, but...i still thought it'd be fun. in some sort of weird warped way.
im weird aint i? it takes me to be sick to say these things, haha and when im "normal" i do stupid things!
well ne way ihope u can all forgive me for acting strange, and doing this strange spontanious thing
but i can see all u guys shaking ur head and going "ahhh that's renae *shrugs*"
haha maybe it's good that way then? if ppl expect me to do crazy things that means i can do more crazy things and all ill get is ppl going "*shakes head and smiles*" and then forget about it all together
but it makes me feel like a kid :(
but at the same time i like it!
o_o....pick and choose...pick and choose.
haha
-hoshi
9:24 am
^ continued
but yeah, im not backing down in this. i just said all that cuz that's a part of me that's feeling stuff and i wanted to verbalize it. itz only a *part* of wat i feel. the other part isnt worried and will go thru with wat i said. cuz i said it.
but...i dun want to intrude on other ppl. so, instead ill let whoever i asked out...come to me. i haf a feeling a lot of ppl said yes cuz they thought i wasnt serious. well, if ne one *was* serious, then tell me, and we'll plan something =D
i dun wana force ne1 to do wat they dont want to. haha ^_^ i gues that was the biggest problem wid wat i did
-hoshi
9:49 am
Personally, I think to ask people I know and friends out on a date is a bit scary/freaky for me. Because all of a sudden ure looking at them in a different light. But anyway, that's my opinion. As long as you enojy yourself and no one gets hurts, go on ahead. After all, this is a learning experience of curoisty, that's what the teen years are about. Too bad, I whisped by them so fast and learned nothing.
11:55 pm
lol it's not over yet.
and itz not like that! i dun look @ ne one in a different light. jeez u make me sound weird. lol
-hoshi
12:41 pm
nah..ure not weird. I meant that something else..but oh well.
2:00 am
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